


A Semi-Crackfic Disguised As Something Serious

by Goldstone_Wolf



Series: Dream Team Fics (Lol So Original) [43]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Background Relationships, Bacon, Bananas, Beta? Are they the new exchange student?, Blueberry pancakes, Canon? Who's she never heard of her, Catapults, Cattle Brands, Crack, Cursed Food mentioned in the notes, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Food mentions, Furry Fundy, Gen, Hatchets, I called Dream's older sister Trista Tris for like no reason, I should be sleeping, I'm counting this as, I'm sorry why is Dream shipped with his underage sister, INFLATABLE DINOSAUR COSTUMES, Implied Paternal Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by true events, Long-Haired Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Antfrost (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned VelvetIsCake (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Moving, One Shot, Pink-Haired Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Prsumably, Rust, Rusty Weapons, Sort Of, TWs:, Weapons, a literal chicken not a metaphorical one, after relating to one too many adhd memes, also i'm addicted to cookie clicker and ironically, and i should really get some rest, and more that i've baked in a day and a half, and now i have something like 64 billion cookies rn, banana people were not from our church, because i couldn't think of anything, because it's weird, boiled eggs, but i decided to do this instead, but some of the little einstein singers were, dares, excuse me, freezing our fingers off in the cold, fun fact last year at a school halloween rally, i found it by looking up adhd symptoms on mayo clinic, i think, it's a long story, just a bunch of hungry high schoolers at eight in the morning, listen to THIS, my blood sugar's been acting up the past couple of days, no beta we die like my will to live, on a snowy mountain in winter, respect the cc's or i'll take your elbows and knees, scrambled eggs, sibling relationships, siblings being siblings, the guy who found the hatchet is my oldest brother's best friend, the kid who wore the inflatable dinosaur costume now lives somewhere else, their brother is just referred to by epithets the whole time, then i saw this thing talking about web browser cookies, there were two people in dinosaur costumes fake fighting, uh i can't think of anything else, vent fic turned crack fic, very easily but stubbornly and screaming like a chicken, whoo, you'd think we were on crack or something but nope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29328306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldstone_Wolf/pseuds/Goldstone_Wolf
Summary: Sapnap came running out of one of the rooms, holding up…”Sapnap, what is that?” George asked, adjusting the grip on the boxes in his arms. Grinning broadly, Sapnap held the item up and waved it around. When Dream squinted at it, he could almost make out—“Guys, I found a hatchet!”~Dream moves into a new town where he doesn’t know a single person there.He’s almost not sure he wants to.
Relationships: (it's background but it's there), Antfrost/VelvetIsCake (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Clay | Dream's Sister Drista (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Dream Team Fics (Lol So Original) [43]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012464
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	A Semi-Crackfic Disguised As Something Serious

**Author's Note:**

> TWs in tags. Here’s a few fun facts about this:  
> a) This is a vent fic. No, I’m not explaining why, just know I’m stressed and writing is how I deal with this. There might be a lot more fics produced in a short period of time over the next couple of weeks.   
> b) this is why I write Dream SMP stories. The vast diversity in sheer dynamics is just…it’s incredible. I treat it the same way as I do Critical Role fanfics—do I ship Beau and Yasha? Yes. Do I ship some of the SMP characters? Yeah. Do I ship Ashley and Marisha or the SMP content creators? Nope. There’s a difference, but since the SMP is also a unique dynamic I’m treating the ability to practice writing with these characters as a privilege that can revoked at any time. (Respect the CCs or I’ll take your elbows and knees!)  
> c) I would like to say that this is totally from my imagination but we did in fact find a rusty hatchet in our youth building at church. I’ve also seen people eat bananas from the top down (peel on), heard a bunch of high schoolers singing the Little Einsteins theme song on a snowy winter morning outside the mess hall, and recently had a man I’ve seen holding a cattle brand who proudly declares no one’s died in his games “yet” but he’s still trying to convince my dad to bring a catapult on youth trips smash a boiled egg onto the table next to me, then proceed to eat it. Whatever I can come up with has nothing on the reality of seventeen and a half years at a youth trip, so now y’all have to deal with this information as well.

“ _Mom_ , Dream’s touching me!”

“Dream.” Glancing back in the rearview mirror, his mom tilted her head to the side slightly and blinked green eyes at him. Smiling innocently, he leaned back and then kicked his legs up on Drista. She started squealing, shoving at his feet to keep them out of her face. On her other side, their brother was reading a book, pressed up against the window and apparently very chill with it. Tris was looking out the window in shotgun, smiling softly and taking in the whole world outside them. Trees flashed by, green leaves fluttering in the wind. “Dream. I will put you in the front seat.”

“Do it.”

“ _Mom_ , _pleeeaaaaseeee.”_ Drista whined.

“Dris, just murder him.” Tris suggested from the front seat. Glancing at their mom, she said something else. However, Dream was a bit distracted by Drista tackling him as best as the seatbelts could allow, digging her fingers into his sides. Yelling, he kicked at her as best as he could, and she cackled wildly.

All this to the tune of Owl City in the background.

How lovely.

Planting a foot in Drista’s face, Dream shoved her into their brother and laughed until he wheezed, holding onto his ribs. Apparently, she had better things to do instead of fighting him, and decided to slink over the back of the seat into the way back of the car with the dog. In the rearview, Dream could see their mother shaking her head and rolling her eyes, turning to the road ahead of them. Dream finally turned to look out the window himself, smiling softly.

They were moving.

It hadn’t been his choice.

It hadn’t been any of their choices, really.

After their dad, well…after that, their mother had decided that it would be best to take the family away from where they had been before. So, they were moving to this tiny little town in the middle of nowhere. Dream didn’t even remember what state they were in, although he dimly knew it wasn’t too far from Florida. He guessed it didn’t matter anyways, it wasn’t like they’d be going back anytime soon.

Not that he wanted to go back to it, anyways.

Florida could crash and burn for all he cared. He never wanted to see it again, whatever the cost was. Maybe one day, in the future, he could drag himself back. Maybe if he got married, if he had kids, if they wanted to visit he could discuss it. But until then…well, he’d built his walls up. If they stayed there, then he was safer in them. He could hold them up.

(Right?)

At his feet, in her carrier, Patches meowed nervously. Tail flicking, the tabby looked around, the white flash on her nose gleaming in the sunlight drifting through the sunroof Tris had opened. Puffy white clouds floated around, and Dream watched them drift through the pale azure sky with the same kind of lackadaisical care that Patches had when she was lying on his stomach in the sunny bay window of their old house.

“It’s alright, Patches.” He said, reaching down and poking his fingers through the wire mesh at the front of the carrier. A sandpapery, pink tongue lapped against his nails and he laughed weakly. “Don’t worry, baby girl. We’re going to be there soon.” Frowning, he glanced up and asked, “Actually, Mom, when are we going to be there?”

She glanced down at the clock on the dashboard, then back to the road. They were the only car for miles, surrounded by the forest and the sky and clouds and high mountains that decorated the horizons. “About thirty minutes.”

“Wow, really?”

“We’ve been driving for _forever_.” Drista groaned from the backseat, flopping her chin down on the headrest by Dream. Next to her, the dog copied her, blond fur sparkling and black lips pulled back almost in a mimicry of a human smile. Laughing, Dream reached over and ruffled her hair. “Stop it!” Slapping at his hand, she smacked him and he smacked her arm right back. “Stop it! Dream! Idiot!”

“You know what they say about that kind of thing, Dris!” Dream fired right back, laughing. They went over a gritty spot in the road that rattled his teeth in his mouth, and Drista yelped. Jerking back, she pressed a hand to her mouth as their fluffy golden retriever sniffed at her face. “Oh. Dris is down. Good riddance.”

There was a sharp kick to the back of his seat, and he burst out wheezing.

+++

His first impression of their house was that it looked kind of ugly.

Surrounded by neutral-toned houses painted in tones of whites and browns and tans, the muted olive green seemed almost…out of place. Swallowing, he adjusted his grip on Patches’ carrier, then started walking up the pathway to the others. It was a nice little place, a two-story with a little porch and white trim on the windows and siding underneath the windows. Kind of…rustic, he guessed.

As he paused in front of the threshold, staring down at the dark wood planks of their entryway, he had a sudden urge to run.

Where, he didn’t know. Just running, he guessed. Taking a breath, he closed his eyes and stepped into the house, looking around. Bare walls stared back at him, devoid of everything that hinted that anyone had been there before them. Sure, there was some of their furniture, stuff that’d been moved in by family and some family friends before they arrived, but other than that…well, there wasn’t really that much of anything.

Honestly, Tris was going to be heading back to college soon. That left Dream as the oldest kid. He was going to have a lot of responsibility, especially to make sure that his mom wasn’t overwhelmed by…everything.

“Alright, let’s get rooms picked.” He announced, glancing back at Drista and their brother. Smiling with a lot more sincerity than he felt, he said, “You guys know where you’re supposed to go, right?” Both of them nodded, still mute, and he grinned. “Great. I’m heading to my room, try not to break anything on the way in.”

Scoffing, Drista fired back, “Sure, like _we’re_ going to be the ones breaking things. You’re the clumsy one.” He laughed, then reached over and booped her nose. Yelling, she smacked at his hand, tried to get him back. By then, though, he was already sprinting up the stairs, Patches in his arms and backpack smacking against his shoulder blades as he bolted into his room.

They’d be fine.

+++

Three days later, Dream was trudging downstairs to make his breakfast, Patches wreathing around his ankles and demanding food.

Sitting in his kitchen were several kids he did not recognise, a man he also did not recognise, and his mother. All of them turned to look at him. Dressed in grey flannel sweatpants, a green t-shirt with about three holes in it and multiple paint splatters and food stains, and grey bunny slippers. Sleep-ruffled hair. Definitely not awake, and _definitely_ not the impression that one wanted to give a bunch of seniors. Because that was what most of them seemed to be—his age, maybe a little younger in a few cases.

One of them, a young man with long pink hair tied back in a bun, scoffed and mused, “So this is the lovely Dream. Impressive.” A very tall young man with a yellow sweater and maroon beanie shot an elbow into his ribs. With a grunt, he glanced over at him, then rolled his eyes.

“Hi.” Blinking away some of the sleep, Dream yawned and turned his head. “I’m…I’m not even going…I don’t want to ask. Just…” Waving a hand, he mused, “I’ll be making breakfast, just keep doing whatever you’re doing.”

As he went about making blueberry pancakes, eventually deciding that they had enough ingredients he might as well make the younger kids some, too (besides, he didn’t want Drista complaining about it), he heard some shuffling out in the main room. Apparently, the group had decided to move over. Not all of them, though. Four had stuck around. One was a young man with glasses, blue eyes, and a black and red hoodie, sitting on the bar stools. Beside him, a kid with dark hair and a somewhat e-boy look was reclining on thin air, saying some joke to his buddy, who was watching Dream almost critically. That one had Dream stuck for the longest time out of the first three. One of the kid’s eyes was blue, the other was a deep brown. Very nice-looking, very interesting, and also very much responsible for the slight burning on some of the scrambled eggs. _Heterochromia iridium_ , that was the name. Complete, too.

“Are you going to eat all of that?” The kid asked, tilting his head to the side. White clout goggles rested in short, brown hair. Blinking almost innocently, looking _way_ too late for…no wait, it was ten thirty in the morning, Dream must have just slept in (no wonder Patches was screaming at him).

“No.” Turning, Dream gave a bit of bacon to Patches. Of course he did. She was his baby, after all. At the barstools, he heard a huff, and he glanced back to check out the fourth person there. All he could guess was that they were either a cosplayer or they were a furry, but his sleep-muddled brain was only processing fox ears sticking out of their hair on a headband. “Nice fox ears.”

“I lost a dare with Tommy.”

“Fundy,” the kid with the e-boy look turned, throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulder, “that’s kind of your fault. Everyone else told you not to take the bet and yet you did.” Fundy rolled his eyes and then strode out into the front room. “Just a week more, buddy! It’s fine!” Turning back to Dream, the kid said, “I’m Sapnap. This is Bad, that’s George, and Techno and Wilbur were the two from earlier.”

“Ah.” Setting out some plates, Dream pulled out his phone and quickly texted Drista a, “get up, twerp, I made you food” and a similar message (much kinder) to his brother. Then, he shot them all looks. “I’m Dream. Care to explain why you’re in my house?”

As his little siblings stumbled out, Drista _far_ too awake for someone who had definitely just woken up, Dream turned to them all and raised an eyebrow.

+++

Apparently, they had been helping everyone move in. The older man was a friend of his mom’s, Phil.

Still, nothing had prepared Dream for a few weeks later, when they were cleaning out the youth building’s Christmas decorations. George was telling him some sort of story, eyes bright with excitement, “So, anyways, Sapnap and I were sitting in the backseat of the bus, and I know that he’s the Mafia and he knows that I’m the Sheriff and neither of us are willing to—”

“Guys!”

Sapnap came running out of one of the rooms, holding up…”Sapnap, what is that?” George asked, adjusting the grip on the boxes in his arms. Grinning broadly, Sapnap held the item up and waved it around. When Dream squinted at it, he could almost make out—

“Guys, I found a hatchet!”

“Sapnap, put that down!” Bad screamed, bolting out the room behind Sapnap. “ _Sapnap!”_ Ant and Velvet poked their heads out from the doorway, both of them looking terrified. Above them, there was someone dressed in an inflatable dinosaur costume they had apparently found.

Dream wasn’t sure he wanted to ask.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry this is weird, I just wanted to get this idea out of my head. Yes, we’ve had the whole Mafia story happen, as well as the machete thing. And the dinosaur costume (happened like…the Halloween before quarantine struck). Anyways, this is actually helping a lot with my writing and with my mood, so now that I’m a lot calmer I can just…yeaugh better.   
> This is most likely a one-shot, but I might explore high-school Dream later depending on how bored I get and depending on whether or not y’all want some of that. You also might get some hints at future LGBTQ+ fics (with creators who are okay with shipping) through movie titles and book names, sooo…be on the lookout for those!  
> Anyways, thanks for reading. Y’all are loved and appreciated and awesome and amazing, I hope you have a lovely day, and I hope to see you in the next one!


End file.
